im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
