good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
