tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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