I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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