i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
