Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
