you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
