Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize