Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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