anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
