This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
