I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
