genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
