if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
