i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
