new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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