I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
