My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
