the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize