just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
