the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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