I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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