just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
