Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
