im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
