I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Jerry, you need to find god
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
