Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
