so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
