Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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