I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize