After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
