I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
