everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
