I think I died a long time ago.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize