I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
