Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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