Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
