How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
