trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
