so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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