they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
