One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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