I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
