Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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