This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He better not be in your backpack
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
