She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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