her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
