who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
