Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I smell like Dick and happiness
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
