I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
