I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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