I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
