4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
