so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
