What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't turn off my feet"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
