I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
