This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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