Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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