I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Blood and glitter go together right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
