I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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