Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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