My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
