break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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