it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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