By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
