If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Text me some of your sweat
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