erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
