I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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