My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
