The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize