I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
